12 weeks of repurposing

Repurpose: adapt for use in a different purpose.

As I approach the final week of my leave, I find myself facing a lot of emotions in acknowledging the repurposing that God has challenged me with over the last 12 weeks.  

Repurposed leave.  What started as maternity leave is ending as bereavement leave.  I think it's fair to acknowledge that returning from maternity leave is difficult for any mom and the reality for us bereaved mamas is we are settling back into a normal work routine without our babies.  I have to admit that I am entering this next season of life with a grateful heart; I am grateful that my employer provided a full 12 weeks paid leave.  I remember when I initially submitted my parental leave paperwork and I was told the leave policy was broken up into two distinctive chunks - 6 weeks for postpartum recovery and 6 weeks for time to bond with baby.  and while I certainly used that entire time to focus on processing and healing my loss, I am thankful for distraction that the 8-hour work day will provide. 

Repurposed life.  As much as it stings,  I the reality is that I have changed.  I will never be the woman I was prior to losing a child.  There is a fear that continuing to live my life without my baby means I am leaving her behind.  I have to remind myself that because I can't change the circumstances,  I have this opportunity to wake up each morning and live a God-honoring life in a way that would make Sunny proud.